Thursday, November 7, 2013

Office Pets

I know, I know, nobody panic that I'm writing a blog post.  Its been too long, I know.  I'm about to make up for it with the longest post I've ever written.

I work at an internet marketing company.  To spice things up around the office we have pets.  Now this started long before I got here.  I would like to blame Paul.  He would keep (in a Costco pretzel container) an assortment of spiders and other creepy crawly things that people would catch around the office.

When I came to work here he had Gandhi the praying mantis.  Gandhi stayed alive for quite some time.  We would feed it crickets from the local pet store.  We'd throw the crickets in and Gandhi would go into this trance death sway and nab the crickets.  It was a hit around the office.

One day I was taking a nice Sunday walk around my neighborhood in Provo when I saw a big ol' hairy tarantula!  I, of course did some appropriate girl freaking out, then promptly caught it to take to work.  That same Sunday my roommate saw another tarantula.  We caught that one as well. Naturally.

I took them to work and we decided to have an ultimate cage match.  Luckily, another coworker had caught a black widow, so that took it to the next level.  Just for effect we bought a bunch of crickets at the pet store.  We had 1 praying mantis, 2 tarantulas, 1 black widow, and 6 crickets.  We dumped them all into the Costco pretzel container.  I have never been more disappointed in my life.  Gandhi scurried up a stick out of danger.  The black widow webbed a perch on the wall.  One tarantula, out of over stimulation, dropped dead and the other tarantula hid under a leaf.  The crickets just hopped around completely unaware of anything.  Total bust.  In the end, all the the crickets got eaten.  Gandhi ate the black widow and died.  The remaining tarantula won by default.

Side note.  We put the body of the dead tarantula on the stairwell down the side of our office and really gave the lawn care people a fright. Ha

After a few months the other tarantula died.  About that same time was Paul's birthday.  He being the ringleader of the pets-at-the-office brigade, we decided to get him something special.  We stewed and stewed about it and finally decided on an Emperor Scorpion.  Beautiful.  Off I went to the pet store.

We named it Jezebel.  Jez for short.  She lasted 9 months.  She feasted on crickets and occasionally cockroaches.  Once while I was gone they fed her a baby mouse.  I think that scarred everyone and they never did that again.  One day she died.  We placed her on the outside window ledge so she could stay in our minds and hearts.  She is still there.

While all that was going on we got some fish tanks.  Fish are pretty boring though.  All you need to know is that we also placed the dead ones out by Jez.  We still have a bunch of fish: 2 angels, a dragon fish, 2 plecostomus (one white, one brown), 1 shark something something, 1 neon tetra, 1 invisible fish, 1 gold fish, and 1 other gold sucker fish.

After Jez died Paul decided he wanted something a little more friendly and furry.  The hunt on KSL began.  We decided on a pair of gerbils.  One black and one white.  We named them Smeagol and Gollum.  Side note: we had a Frodo action figure that we put in the cage. They bit off the hand first.  No joke.

Last week I felt something on my foot.  I was right in the middle of a project so I didn't pay much attention to it.  After it moved for a 2nd time I looked down and saw one of the gerbils on my foot.  I freaked out!  I do NOT do mousy type animals.  See previous post.  I scream bloody murder and the office came to my rescue.  Smeagol was safely returned to his cage.

This morning I come into work and am immediately greeted by my coworker who says, "Don't you think it smells funny in here?"  Bad sign.  Come to find out Gullum had passed in the night.  There was NO way I was about to touch a live gerbil, let alone a dead one.  I coerced another coworker to take him out to the dumpster (he definitely was not going to end up on the windowsill with Jez).  Now my office smells like dead gerbil. Gross.

Now for my pet: Lil' Brother.  I got her as a baby on Cinco de Marcho.  She has grown so big over the summer.  Sniff sniff.  They just grow up so fast.  Lately she has been into digging.

 My boss just got a puppy for his boys and occasionally brings it to the office.  She is the cutest thing!!!

I also caught a black widow under my desk a few weeks ago.  My coworker is taking good care of her.  Her name is Carl.


Stefani said...

I can't decide if I'm freaked out or totally entertained. Kelsi kept asking me what I was laughing about as I read your post. I somehow think I wouldn't do well in your office... my innards are cringing even as I'm writing this.

Jessica said...

Remind me to never visit you at work. Love you, not the "pets".

karensumpter said...

Oh, my heavens! I'm glad I don't work in your office...I don't think I could take it!!

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